How To Get What You Want In LAS VEGAS October 24, 2007

WHAT HAPPENS IN LAS VEGAS …. STAYS IN LAS VEGAS. Here’s your guide on the best places to visit for going out, gambling and having the ultimate Sin City Experience. Las Vegas has changed since the days of gambling halls, and showgirls. There is so much to do in this wonderful city many people call home.

MOST LUXURIOUS HOTELS:

- WYNN HOTEL : Your experience at this luxury resort can be described in one word: Opulence. Talk about luxury. When you enter your room, you will find yourself facing a wall to ceiling window with amazing views. ( Try and request the Strip view) Decked out with plasma TVs, your own business center ( including fax and internet connection), this room is amazing. Now, most of the time when you are in Vegas you don’t want to be cooped up in your room – not here. Slip into the most comfortable bed in the world. Talk about beauty sleep. If you want to luxury at your fingertips, stay here.

-THE VENETIAN: The rooms at the Venetian are great for larger parties, for those who want some space. Not only do you get your sleeping area, there is also a section for relaxing and / or getting some work done (yes, there is a business center here too). The Venetian also has some great shopping so you can get that perfect outfit in the comfort of your own hotel.

-BELLAGIO: The water show hotel! Need we say more? This hotel is extravagant, and definitely for the high rollers. The rooms are grandiose and very sophisticated. The rooms are very spacious with extra seating available. This hotel has been featured in various movies… can you guess which ones?

- CAESARS PALACE – THE AUGUSTUS TOWER: Las Vegas big shot renovates the Augustus tower. The rooms in this tower are amazing. Large plasma screen TVs, great decor, very spacious seating area, and amazing bathrooms. Don’t forget the amazing views, and the shopping.

HOW TO GET THE MOST OF YOUR HOTEL STAY:

- Upon checking in ask if there is any way you can get an upgrade. Some times the hotel will be able to sneak in a free upgrade … if you ask nicely

-If you want to get an upgrade try this : tell the attendant at check in that you are in Las Vegas celebrating a special event. Proposal, Anniversary, Wedding, they may be able to give you some added perks.

OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY LAS VEGAS (other than gambling and going out):

-RED ROCK: You may be in the middle of the desert but there is a lot of nature to be found! Just 15 min away from the strip, you can find the 10+ hiking trails of Red Rock Canyon. You can enjoy your whole day walking along the trails, possibly even seeing little animals.

- SHOPPING: There is some amazing shopping in Sin City. You may be able to find one of the malls in your hotel, but the best is Fashion Show Mall. Conveniently located on the strip, you will never be away from a brand new outfit!

*Check out your hotel… there is a lot of things to see right on the strip*

BEST NIGHTCLUBS

-LAX: Located at the Luxor, the people who brought you PURE have done it again with LAX. With amazing celebrity appearances weekly, LAX is a great place to go dancing. The resident DJs play good music. The club is 2 levels… with the dance floor on the middle of the first floor. Lots of tables, and booths available for bottle service. BEST NIGHTS: Wednesday, Friday, Saturday

-TAO: Located at the Venetian, this spot is still hot. With multiple levels, and rooms, this place has something for everyone. During the summer, guests have access to Tao Beach as well. With multiple dance floors, this place is larger than other places in Vegas. As great as it is .. beware- this place can get very crowded. BEST NIGHTS: Thursday, Friday, Saturday

-BODY ENGLISH: Located in the Hard Rock Hotel ( off the strip) this place is insane. It usually gets packed by midnight so you have to get in as early as possible. The music is great, and the drinks are always flowing. The great thing about this club is that there is a second level of tables overlooking the dance floor. This way, those of you who pay the extra for bottle service have your own special area while looking over the club. BEST NIGHTS: Friday, Saturday, Sunday

-PURE: Located in Caesars Palace, this place is VEGAS. As seen in every major magazine, this place is where the Pussycat Dolls perform, it’s where all the celebrities have their birthday parties. It’s a must see VEGAS club. BEST NIGHTS: Friday, Saturday

- MOON/ PLAYBOY CLUB: Located in the Palms Casino this place gets you a 2 for 1 deal. One of the newest clubs in Las Vegas, Moon and Playboy Club get you to the top of the new Palms tower, over looking all of Las Vegas. Moon has an amazing sound system, outdoor areas and escalators taking you to the one of a kind Playboy Club. The Playboy Club features a bar, dance floor, and gambling. Every man’s dream come true. But beware- the gambling tables at the Playboy Club seem to have high limits so make sure you know what you are getting into. BEST NIGHTS: Tuesday, Friday, Saturday

As always, this is just a sampling of what Las Vegas has to offer. A great way to get the best of Las Vegas is to talk to your concierge at your hotel. If you want to get the most bang for your gambling buck you might want to get a player’s card so you can earn some points and goodies!

Viva Las Vegas!

How to succeed (and thrive!) in grad school October 22, 2007

As if getting into grad school wasn’t hard enough, actually surviving it is even tougher. Here are some tried and true suggestions that will help you make it though grad school – and maybe even enjoy it!

Befriend others in your program

You’re going to be spending a great deal of your time surrounded by people in your program, so you might as well make it a pleasant experience. Heck, you may even end up making a few life-long friends. It makes such a difference when you’re excited to see your classmates – going to school isn’t as big a drag as it could be because you get to look forward to hanging out with your buds!

Don’t try to do all the reading

If you’re hearing this for the first time, it might sound crazy to you. How are you supposed to show that you’re dedicated to school, willing to do what it takes to succeed, and not be made a fool of when called upon in class if you don’t pore over every word in the 100s of pages of assigned weekly reading?!? The simple answer is: you don’t need to worry so much. It’s just not worth it! Eventually you’ll realize that it’s also impossible. Here’s what you do: read what’s interesting to you, and skim the rest. Just make sure to read something each week for each class. You want to get something out of it, right? Don’t be so determined to get through everything that you don’t process anything.

Don’t try to do all the reading

See above.

Commit to your community

Get hobbies, pick up a sport, volunteer with local nonprofits, join a local language club, take a cooking class. The point is to get involved with SOMETHING non-academic that is a scheduled activity. This way, school is not your life, but one, albeit substantial, portion of your life. I know you’re probably thinking- I don’t have time for any of this! In truth, you really do have extra time, and more important, you have valid interests that extend beyond school. Chances are if you’ve made it this far, you’re not just Mammy the grad student- you might actually be Mammy the animal loving, environmental activist, marathon running, delicacy baking grad student. Pursuing outside interests will aid in your personal growth, give you new perspectives on life, and make you happy. This will spill over into school success. It’s important that you be committed to your hobby, otherwise school can easily encroach upon it and consume you! Don’t become a slave to your program! Make school just one thing you do.

Punctuate your work with planned festivities

Plan activities that you can look forward to! These things don’t have to be really time-consuming, but planning even a 1-2 hour coffee date with an old friend may keep your attitude positive through the week as you excitedly work towards it. Try the following: meet friends for dinner, try new restaurants, go to concerts, plays, movies, have friends in from out of town, check out local bars and farmer’s markets, go for hikes, play tennis, check out your school’s football or basketball games, have a pot-lucks with friends, and Mammy’s favorite- vacations! The bottom line is to plan things that keep you going through the week and the semester!

Get involved with your program

Don’t just scoot by doing the minimum. You know what they call the person who graduates dead last in their medical school class?? ……Doctor. Don’t be dead last in your class. You’ll need stellar letters of recommendation for residencies, internships, and jobs, and you need to show the faculty that you’re worthy of top positions. Help plan seminars, be on journal clubs, volunteer or find out about paid opportunities to work in a faculty member’s lab- all things to do so that faculty get to know you better, and write you better letters of rec. In addition, you’ll gain a broader perspective on your field, and perhaps identify surprising new areas of interest!

Get to know faculty informally

Aside from your academic and professional prowess, the faculty should get to know you on a more personal level. Make sure to interact with them at luncheons, colloquia, in the elevator, in the department office, etc. All of these microinteractions are opportunities for them to find out what an all-around nice, intelligent, and motivated person you are- in and outside of the classroom.

Have non-school friends

As important as it is to get along with your program mates, it’s equally important to maintain outside friendships with individuals not involved in your program. As has been mentioned in this list, school can easily consume you, so it’s important that you safeguard against this. You’ll want to maintain friendships with people who you know from various life stages. Whether it be having a weekly phone date with your high school friend, a monthly coffee date with your girl from college, or just randomly making plans with others from your life, make sure you put effort in to foster these older relationships. This is important for life in general! It’s heartwarming and special to maintain old friendships. Keep in mind that others in your program will have outside friends, too, so if you rely on them too much for your social outlet, then you might find yourself home alone on a Saturday night watching Crossroads (which is fine, sometimes…).

Procrastinate

Yup, that’s right. Maybe it sounds crazy, but you really shouldn’t try to get too far ahead. In classes, assignments and due dates frequently change. Therefore, you’ll be doing yourself a disservice by trying to get too far ahead in your work. Take things one step at a time, and if you find yourself with free time- spend it having fun!

Balance your priorities

There will be times when others make you feel guilty about not spending time with them. This is probably the most difficult part of being a grad student. It feels awful to turn people down when you’d truly rather spend time with them. At the same time, it’s frustrating when others don’t seem to understand how much work you have. This is a matter of priorities- both school and your relationships/family/friendships are probably at the top of your list. It can be challenging to achieve a balance, but know that you never have to keep one above the other for long. It’s a game of back and forth, and it’s your job to distinguish between times it’s appropriate to sacrifice school for life, and times you should stick to your guns and do your work. This takes some feeling out, but you’ll get it right. Generally, if you’ve got a due date approaching, stick to your guns. If you don’t, and you’re just trying to get ahead- which there’s no point in doing- you may as well kick back and have fun. What good is the ride if you don’t enjoy it?

Bottom line: You’re sacrificing a lot, and it’s inevitable that you’ll feel overwhelmed at some point. But seriously, don’t let grad school take your entire life- you’ll become a sad, unhealthy burnout. What got you into grad school in the first place was your ability to fit you uniqueness in with academic and professional demands. You gotta keep rolling like this, maintaining that individuality, those quirks, that zest for life!

How to prepare for a marathon October 21, 2007

Is running a marathon among your life goals? Well stop ruminating about it and just do it! Trust us- you’ll be happy with your decision. The Dream Team is in the process of training for our first marathon, so we’re totally novices. Still, it’s been immensely rewarding thus far. Very fulfilling and empowering! There are SO MANY resources already dedicated to marathon training. We have our own spin on life, so many of the more traditional resources- websites like http://runnersworld.com/0,7118,,00.html, http://runningplanet.com/, and Mammy’s favorite forum- http://www.veganfitness.net/forum/viewforum.php?f=22  etc.- don’t fit perfectly for us, or those like us (you!). Don’t get us wrong now- these sites are AMAZING tools that we have been referencing throughout our training, and you should check them out too. Our recommendations here are by no means meant to substitute for a comprehensive training guide….we just wanted to share some key points we’ve learned so far in our training. Happy running!

1. Social Support

THIS IS CRITICAL!! Get somebody to sign up for the race with you. Even if they don’t live in your town, even if you never run with them before the big day. We cannot emphasize this point enough. You’ll want to talk about how your runs are going, the physical changes you’re noticing, the pain, the challenges, and the victories you experience throughout your training program. You’ll find that non-runners in your life will not understand most of this. However, somebody who trains for other types of athletic events will be familiar with a lot of training issues, so if you can’t recruit a friend, coworker, family member, etc. to run- talk to another endurance athlete. It is so valuable to have somebody with whom you can share your thoughts, worries, excitement, and with whom you can feel a culture of mutual support and encouragement.

2. Find a group

If you can’t recruit anybody you know to run with you, consider joining an organized running group. It’s a good way to get social support, make new friends, and avoid the monotony that can happen when you run alone – you will see that it makes a WORLD of difference to run with others! As well, many people will probably have run before, so groups can be a great forum to get questions answered and get recommendations from seasoned veterans who know what works!

3. Get excited

Do a calendar countdown, make a paper chain (ya know, like you did as a kid the month before Christmas), make a t-shirt, a mini-poster to hang in your home or office, a pump-up music mix. Continue to do these types of things up until the race to keep your spirit up!

4. Plan ahead

Decide what you’re going to do the nights before and after the race. This can be loads of fun to plan if you have others running the race with you. You might plan a relaxing carbfest the night prior to the big run, and perhaps a massage or movie marathon for after the event. It’s something to look forward to that you’ll certainly have earned with all your hard work and dedication!

5. Treat yourself

To new shoes, running clothes, accessories. Anything that will get you excited to hit the pavement!

6. Mix it up

Running the same route every time will eventually get really boring and may screw with your head. Find new routes, and mix it up throughout the week so you’re continually stimulated and enjoying new scenery. We suggest that you map your runs using either http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/ or better yet, http://www.mapmyrun.com/, which has route maps of varying mileage in your town that other people have already mapped out (some even have descriptions and ratings). You can also record your training and map out your own runs here. Very useful! If you’re out of town for a weekend, planning a run through an area of interest can be a great way to check out a new spot!

7. Do you Gu?

Once you get up to running an hour or more, you might find that your energy’s getting sapped. To combat this, get ClifShots, Gu, PowerBar gel, or something of the like (Mammy recommends ClifShots). These are little packets filled with carbs and electrolytes meant to increase your endurance, and boy do they live up to their claims. Slurp one down when you’re beginning to feel like you’re loosing it- it’ll give your muscles the energy they need to carry you to the finish line!

8. Be flexible

Scheduling-wise, that is. Sometimes, things are going to come up and you will miss a run. A family emergency, a move, and priorities with work, school, and friends. Don’t freak out or panic. Sit down with your training schedule and figure out how you can mix things up in the days following the lapse to get yourself back on course. The only thing you have to make absolute certain of is that you get your long run in for the week. If you have to do it a few days later than originally scheduled, it’s fine- do it, and cut out a couple short runs for that week. Don’t fret! As Alanis Morisette once said, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Just know that it’s gonna happen, but you aren’t gonna allow it to throw you off course completely.

9. Take care of yourself

The simple truth is that you can only do your best in an endurance event if you put your physical self first. You need to get enough sleep, eat right, and cut down on drinking and partying. If you want to perform, you have to make sacrifices. This is not to say you should cut all the fun out of your life- but be more picky. Remember, the people who want you to stay out partying aren’t going to be waking up at 8am on Sunday to run 14 miles.

10. Pay attention to pain

If you’re hurt beyond what Advil and a day or two of rest can repair, figure out what’s wrong. Talk to seasoned runners and/or see your doctor. Don’t push yourself until you cause irreparable damage. Remember, your goal is to finish the race, and you gotta take care of yourself to do so!

How To Throw a Successful Surprise Party October 18, 2007

So we can’t all be party planners, or so you think … but it’s much easier than you think! Mammie has put together a few successful surprise parties, and it’s super easy! Surprise parties are a great way to make your loved ones feel special. Surprise parties aren’t always an expensive ordeal either… Here’s your quick guide on “HOW TO THROW A SUCCESSFUL SURPRISE PARTY”

1. Find yourself an accomplice. The middle person who is going to find out information, and help plan the event.

2. Plan a date- Make sure the special boy/ girl is available on the date. Easiest way to find out – ask your accomplice to see if the special person is free on a specific day… Have the accomplice make plans with the special person . For example: When Mammie threw her best friend a surprise birthday party, Mammie had Mammy (accomplice) make plans with her best friend on the day of the party. That way – best friend would never expect anything other than her ‘plans’ with Mammy (accomplice). You don’t want to plan the event too far in advance because the special person may find it suspicious. Ideally try to plan it 2-3 weeks in advance.

3. Pick a venue- Once your accomplice has secured a date- figure out a venue. Easiest way is to have your accomplice plan something where he/she can either take the special person to. For example: Mammy made plans with best friend to hang out during the day and then head home to get ready for dinner. Surprise! happened when they came home. Another example: Have accomplice make dinner plans with special person- and have everyone at that location at least 45 min before. (Saying 45 min will translate to people getting there just on time)

4. Send out the invitations- Best way to send an invitation is via phone. Phone calls will not leak to the special person. However, sometimes we don’t always have their phone numbers. If you don’t have everyone’s phone number- get their email. Best electronic way of sending out invitations are through evites. Go to www.evite.com and you can create your own evite. If you aren’t close friends with special person’s friends- find a trust worthy person to be a middle person. For example: When Mammie threw a surprise party for her brother, she had his roommate forward all the evites. This way, you don’t have to worry about forgetting someone. ***MAKE SURE YOU EMPHASIZE THE *SURPRISE* ASPECT***

5. Follow up- Follow up with the accomplice. Follow up with your guests. A week before your event- send out a follow up email. A few days before your event- get a final count. Make sure the plans are still in effect with accomplice and special person. Confirm reservations or accommodations for event night.

6. Day of event: Set everything up with extra time. When you are planning something like this – you want to make sure you give yourself an extra 45 min-1.5 hours- just in case. If you having the event at your residence, or at a residence, make sure you are completely ready before the guests arrive. If you are having the party at a restaurant – try to arrive early enough for decorations. Most restaurants will allow large parties to sit when 1/2 the party is present so make sure you get some people there on time.

7. Right before the accomplice and special person arrive: make sure everyone is in their place. Last thing you want is a straggler to be wandering, or making excessive noise that will ruin the surprise. Have the accomplice text, or call you right before they arrive. That way you can make sure you have people in place.

8. SURPRISE!!!!! Try to have someone there to capture the moment.

*Keep in mind* A surprise party is an event to remember. Make sure you have a camera to capture all the moments. Try to decorate the venue so that your special person will have no doubt in their mind that this was a planned event. Get a blank scrapbook, color pens, and have your guests write a little message while they wait for the big surprise.

The above 8 steps should be able to aid you in planning a surprise party. The key is to have enough time to plan, set up and execute your party. A surprise party is such a heart warming experience. Go the extra mile and get people together and share a special night with those you love. Good luck!

How To Jump Start Your Car October 16, 2007

How to Jump Start your Car… you may not see a use for this, or you may think it’s common sense but in the heat of the moment you might be a little lost. Mammie recently relocated to lovely Las Vegas from sunny Southern California, and during her drive …. there was some car trouble. After a rest stop, the car wouldn’t start!!! I grabbed the jumper cables, ready to do what I’ve seen a thousands of times … but I got flustered. Thank goodness, I was able to get the following directions:

1.If your car doesn’t start- don’t panic. Make sure you are in a safe area. ( Usually the case, since you were probably parked somewhere)… Make sure your car is in park and the brakes are on. Your car will be referred to as WEAK CAR from here on out.

2. Find someone with a vehicle that is larger than yours. Since you are using the other vehicle’s power, you want to make sure there is enough battery to charge your car. Translation: Don’t find a 2 seater to jump start your monster truck. If you don’t have jumper cables, make sure the other person does before moving to step 3. The working vehicle will be referred to as STRONG CAR from here.

3. Park STRONG CAR next to or facing WEAK CAR. The hoods should be in close distance.

4. Turn off STRONG CAR, making sure brakes are in place.

5. Pop the hoods of both cars.

6. Take the jumper cables to STRONG CAR and put the positive clamp (red clamp) over the positive terminal (indicated witha + sign).

7. Take the jumper cable to the WEAK CAR and put the other positive clamp (red) over the positive (+) terminal.

8.Take the STRONG CAR negative clamp (black) and place it over the negative (-) terminal of the STRONG CAR battery.

9. Place the remaining negative clamp (black) on a good solid shiny, non painted metal part of the engine. *Be careful – there may be a mini spark when attaching negative clamps*

10. Once cables are attached turn on your STRONG CAR and let the engine run for a few minutes. ( WEAK CAR is still off)

11. After a few minutes, hop into WEAK CAR and turn the key to see if the dashboard lights turn on. If they do- it’s a good sign! Try starting your engine. If it doesn’t start (but your lights work ) – let the battery charge a little bit before trying again. If the car doesn’t start and the lights don’t work- check your clamps.

12. After turning on the WEAK CAR you can remove the cables. Removal of the cables will be in semi-opposite order – Negative (black) clamp from WEAK CAR, black clamp on STRONG CAR, red clamp of STRONG CAR (this breaks current), lastly red clamp of WEAK CAR.

13.IF YOU ARE NOT DRIVNG THE ‘WEAK’ CAR MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE THE ENGINE RUNNING FOR APPROXIMATELY 30 MIN TO FULLY CHARGE THE BATTERY. If you are driving your ‘weak’ car the battery will continue to charge itself.

There you have it …. now if your car doesn’t start you know what needs to be done. Hope you don’t have to use the skills you have just learned but … it’s one of those skills you want to have up your sleeve… just in case. As always, drive safely!!

Top 10 Breakfast and Brunch Joints in San Diego October 9, 2007

 

Brunching is one of The Dream Team’s favorite leisure activities. We were lucky to have resided in San Diego, home to a plethora of excellent brunch spots. Here we’ve compiled ranked a list of San Diego’s best brunches- bon appetit!

10. World Famous (Pacific Beach) http://www.worldfamous.signonsandiego.com/

When the beach is the backyard, it’s easy to relax and enjoy a lazy morning at World Famous. Inside, the seafaring decor contributes to World famous’ charm. If you’re a seafood lover you’ll dig the fresh catch at this place, but we prefer the banana macadamia pancakes!

9. Pacifica Breeze Cafe (Del Mar) http://www.pacificadelmar.com/breeze-cafe.php

In the upscale Del Mar Plaza, this cafe is a perfect ladies brunching spot. Seating is mostly outside, allowing you to take full advantage of the beautiful ocean view. The staff is super friendly. 

8. Hash House A-Go-Go (Hillcrest) http://hashhouseagogo.com/gallery/gallery2_6.html

It’s San Diego’s classic brunch spot located in the heart of Hillcrest. Don’t miss it!

7. Pannikin (Encinitas) http://www.yelp.com/biz/N2CMkBLbeiipGcEPOf04bA

Situated on historic highway 101 just north of the fantastic shops in Encinitas town, Pannikin makes its home in a huge yellow farmhouse. It’s a cozy, neighborhood atmosphere, perfect for breakfast or even just coffee and yummy pastries after a morning of shopping. Also check out their store off to the right of the restaurant where you can find old-fashioned candy and other novelties.

6. Pipes (Cardiff)  http://pipescafe.com/Home.htm 

With a slogan like “No shirt, no shoes, no problem”, you might not be surprised to find that this place is a laaaaaid back surfer spot. Sitting right off the 101 highway in Cardiff, Pipes offers an ocean view and serves up a variety of delicious breakfast burritos, egg scrambles, sandwiches, and burgers.

5. Naked Cafe (Solana Beach)  http://www.thenakedcafe.com/

The tropical atmosphere and ocean view are main draws to Naked. In addition, the menu (which parallels that of Mission Cafe, #1 on our list) is to die for. We haven’t found food as good as good as this. It’s mostly healthy fare, bringing Asian and Mexican flavors to the menu in a unique, zesty way. The menu includes low-carb and high-protein sections for those of you who are training. They also manage to add style and flare to breakfast classics- pancakes, french toast, granola… augmented by unexpected flavors and an eye on presentation. Their daily specials are always a good bet! 

4. The Broken Yolk (Pacific Beach) http://www.sdro.com/brokenyolk/index.htm

Countless hungover Sunday mornings have been spent here! Serving up a wide selection of large omelettes in addition to decent salads, sandwiches, wraps, pancakes, and french toast, Broken Yolk is a little less posh and more diner-y than the rest on this list. Unhealthy, you might think, but grease might be just what your tummy needs after a night of booze! Order it “dry” if you’re not in the mood for grease. Be prepared to wait 30-45 minutes on the weekends during brunch hours. Get a table on the roof. The service here is excellent. Their slogan is ”We’ve got huevos”; this PB classic is not to be missed!!

3. Extraordinary Desserts (Downtown SD- Little Italy)   http://www.extraordinarydesserts.com/index.htm

You won’t be able to score pancakes here, but who says you can’t have dessert for brunch? In addition to boasting a posh menu of dips, cheeses, breads, paninis, and salads, Extraordinary Desserts truly lives up to its name with byfar the best desserts we’ve ever tasted. They bake stunningly beautiful new cakes daily, which you can view in the display case in the front, as well as home-made ice cream and sorbet. And the presentation is tasteful and immaculate, complete with orchids. Mammy’s fave menu item is the unparalleled brownie ice cream sundae…indulge yourself!

2. The Cottage (Downtown La Jolla)  http://www.cottagelajolla.com/breakfast_menu.html 

Nestled in downtown LJ, The Cottage is physically a cottage- a charming house that makes you feel welcome and, well, at home. Be prepared for a 30-45 minute wait if you show up during brunch hours on the weekends. Also be prepared for coffee and pastry samples as you wait- the Cottage takes care of their patrons! We recommend the banana or blueberry oatmeal pancakes!

1. Mission Coffee Cup (Downtown La Jolla)  http://www.yelp.com/biz/cO8kdQUXCIn8iyWqvPAqQw

Ohhhh Coffee Cup how we love you! This place is EXCEPTIONAL. In downtown La Jolla not far from the spectacular views of the cove with its playful seals, Coffee Cup is one of four “Mission” eateries in the San Diego area. We love the Cup for its fun servers and location, and of course the FOOD! The menu is largely the same as that at Naked Cafe (#5 on our list), with uniquely enhanced breakfast favorites, delicious salads and sandwiches, eggs, and scrumptious Tex-Mex fare.

Top 10 things to do on girls’ nights (mostly in) October 9, 2007

 

Planning a girls’ night in? These are some ideas to do with your girlfriends. Mix and match a few ideas into one carefree evening with your ladies!

For larger groups: 

1. Themed pot lucks

For example, everyone brings: something red, a dessert, an appetizer, some kind of food that starts with a <you pick the letter>, etc.

2. Game night

Board games, Madlibs (check out naughty variations), or nonboard interpersonal games like “psychiatrist”, “mafia”, and “murder”. Or even this: Everyone pick a *choice* word or phrase, and each get a sheet of paper. The best words are inside jokes or other words meaningful to your group in some other way. Each person writes a sentence (for best results, write about mutual friends/romantic partners) with their respective word, and passes their sheet of paper around so that everyone writes sentences with their word on each paper. Read each sheet aloud when you’re finished. Hilarious!

3. Book club

If you can organize this with a group, it’ll be good times. Foster intellectual growth in yourself and in your friend group, and have a group of people who, literally, are on the same page as you with regard to at least one area of your life!

4. Ice cream sundae party

Everyone bring their favorite topping! 

For any size group:

5. Slide show of old pictures

Warn the neighbors about possible outbursts of screeching, hooting, and laughter.

6. Jacuzzi

Nobody to judge, no insecurities. Just sit back and relaaaax.

7. Dinner and a movie

Go out, cook a meal together, order in, rent or visit a theatre – mix it up to suit your mood! 

8. Go for a brisk walk

Meander through a park if the weather permits (I’m envisioning fall leaves and a the dry, cool air of a crisp fall evening at dusk), or to a vista where you can watch the sunset.

9. Wine & cheese

Enough said.

10. Pampering spa night

Everyone brings spa treatment items such as facial masks, cooling cucumber eye patches, parrafin treatment, manicure supplies, etc.

11. Baking extravaganza

Bake a fabulous cake, or some other creation! If you’re a spaz in the kitchen, consider inviting your culinarily inclined girlfriends…and pick a recipe that seems too complicated to make by yourself! Teamwork!

Girls just wanna have fun!

Quiz: How healthy is your relationship? October 7, 2007

Concerned about your romantic relationship, or do think it’s in great shape? Find out where you stand with this quiz, constructed by Mammy.

1. How often do you and your partner participate in community service, charity events, etc.?

a) Weekly

b) Monthly

c) A few times a year

d) Once per year or less

2. Have others been hurt by your relationship with your current partner (e.g., cheating, fights or arguments with friends or family members about your partner)? a) Nope, nobody I can think of. Everyone in my life loves my partner as much as I do.

b) I’ve been hurt by my friends failing to understand my relationship- I’ve had to cut down on my contact with a few friends who kept telling me things like ”I could do better”.

c) A few friends have expressed concerns, and I’ve discussed these with them.

d) One or more third parties have been hurt by events or decisions in our relationship. 
 

3. When I want time alone, my partner:

a) Is happy to leave me to my own devices. S/he gives me a kiss and tells me to enjoy myself.

b) Not an issue- I don’t really want time alone.

c) Expresses concern that I’m upset and repeatedly asks if I there’s anything I want to talk about.

d) Asks me if everything is ok and if there’s anything I want to talk about, then lets me to do my thing.
4. How much does your partner support your career goals?a) S/he doesn’t care much about my work

b) S/he is sure to ask me how work is every day, and I give her/him a breakdown of what transpired and the office gossip.

c) S/he asks me detailed questions about my work frequently, and I get the sense that s/he really knows what my job is all about and where I’d like to go with it.

5. How do you support your partner’s career goals?

a) I ask him/her how work was at the end of each day.

b) I’m just not really interested in his/her job- we have more exciting things to talk about and do together.

c) I ask him/her how satisfied s/he is at the job, and where s/he sees her/himself in a few years.

6. Since the two of you have gotten together,

a) We’ve both gained significant weight and/or gotten out of shape

b) We’ve put on a few pounds, which isn’t such a surprise since we’ve gotten older

c) We’ve pretty much maintained our physiques since when we met

d) We’ve become healthier than when we first met

7. When your partner wants to spend time with his/her friends, you:

a) Get upset, anxious, and/or worried, and can’t focus until s/he comes home

b) Wonder if you did something to upset him/her, and hope s/he’s not mad at you

c) Tell him to enjoy himself, and are glad to have some time to yourself as well.

d) Pretty much always go along, and your partner usually accompanies you when you make plans with your friends

8. Which best describes this past week with your partner?

a) We did a few different activities together, some that s/he chose but I wasn’t crazy about, and some that I picked out that my partner wasn’t crazy about. We make compromises for each other.

b) We partook in a variety of activities that we both enjoy.

c) We were both so busy that we had little time to spend together. We ate dinner together at least a few nights.

d) We’re long distance so we didn’t see each other. However, we spoke on the phone every day.

e) We’re long distance. We spoke on the phone daily and had at least one long-distance “date”.

9. How would you rate the ability of you and your partner to conjointly solve relationship problems?

a) 1-3

b) 4-6

c) 7-9

d) 10

10. To what extent do you and your partner keep to yourselves vs. integrating into the larger community?

a) We’ve attended a few block parties/local art fairs/book fairs/parades

b) My partner doesn’t care for these types of events so we find other ways to have fun.

c) We mostly do our own thing

d) We’re all about checking out the community events section of the newspaper and getting to know others in our neighborhood.

Scoring Key

For your response, give yourself the corresponding number of points:

1. a (2), b (2), c (1), d (0)

2. a (1)*, b (0)*, c (2), d (0)

3. a (2), b (0), c (1), d (2)

4. a (0), b (1), c (2)

5. a (1), b (0)*, d (2)

6. a (0), b (1)*, c (2), d (2)

7. a (0), b (1), c (2), d (0)

8. a (1), b(2), c (0), d (1), e (2)

9. a (0), b (1), c (2), d (1)*

10.  a (1), b (0), c (0), d (2)

What your score means:

15-20: Healthy

Congrats! You’ve mastered the art of a healthy relationship- not an easy task! A healthy couple relationship is one in which both partners contribute to the well being of the relationship. This means that both partners have formed an effective partnership- reaching decisions and resolving problems effectively, communicating constructively, and engaging as a couple in a variety of mutually rewarding and engaging activities. In addition, a healthy relationship is one that contributes to the growth, well-being, and development of each partner, both on day-to-day and long-term bases. The relationship is responsive to each individual’s needs, such as the need to function autonomously, to spend time alone or with friends without the partner. In addition, healthy relationships facilitate occupational growth and development, and physical health. During times of personal distress, partners provide support to one another either instrumentally, through helping out with responsibilities, or emotionally, through listening empathically to concerns. Finally, in healthy relationships, the partners relate to their physical and social environments in an adaptive manner. The couple gives back to the community through involvement in social or environmental causes.

9-14: Got the Sniffles

Your relationship has strengths and weaknesses. You’re probably satisfied with the status quo but have some things that you’d like to change. Maybe the two of you are busy with work and don’t spend much time together. Or, maybe you spend a great deal of time together and don’t engage in activities that foster your growth as individuals. Read the description of what contributes to couple health above, and try to incorporate some of the ideas into your relationship.

0-8: Serious Illness

If you’re here, Mammies are concerned about you. Based on your responses, you and your partner interact in a way that is detrimental to both of you as individuals, and to the relationship as a unit. Maladaptive relationships involve poor communication, ineffective problem solving, high levels of negative behavior, and low levels of positive behavior. Also, an unhealthy relationship does not contribute to the growth or development of the partners as individuals, and can actually be destructive to one or both partners. Research shows that psychological and physical problems can actually be worsened in destructive relationships. As well, in unhealthy relationships, partners interact in a way that is destructive to other individuals or to the broader society- by ignoring friends who are concerned that the couple spends too much or too little quality time together, or by getting so focused on the relationship that they fail to interact with and contribute to their community. Please try to break these maladaptive patterns by reading the above description of what is involved in a healthy relationship, and try to bring some of those concepts to your relationship. Or, if you feel that your partner simply is not right for you, talk to some supportive friends and muster up the courage to break it off. Whatever route you decide to go, if you’re feeling really distressed, you should consider finding a therapist for additional support.

*Idealizing subscale.Questions 2, 5, 6, 9, 10. If you selected more than one response with a star in the scoring key, you might want to re-evaluate things…Endorsing several of these questions indicates that you tend to idealize your partner and your relationship, and may fail to address your own true needs. It’s great to prioritize your relationship, and in fact this is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. However, there’s a thin line between a healthy relationship and one in which one or both partners have gotten caught up in the romance and forgotten who they are as individuals. You must remember, you are one half of the relationship, and for it to be healthy, you need to be healthy. Redefine your personal needs by thinking about what you would want for yourself if you were not in a relationship, and what you wish your partner did more of/less of. Also, it would probably benefit you personally, and your relationship in the long run, if you took up a hobby independent of your partner.  Share your thoughts with your partner. See our posts on communication skills for help with having such a conversation.

Questions and descriptions based on: 

Baucom, D. H., Epstein, N., & LaTaillade, J. J. (2002). Cognitive-Behavioral Couple Therapy. In Gurman & Jacobson (eds.). Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy. The Guilford Press: New York.

How to improve your communication skills: Problem solving October 6, 2007

So you’re ticked off at your intimate partner for something….maybe it’s a familiar problem rearing its ugly head once again, or perhaps it’s a new issue that just surfaced. Regardless of what it is or how often it happens, trying to find a solution can be difficult and stressful, and sometimes can even lead to additional problems. Sometimes just the thought of broaching the issue is tough. The Dream Team is here to help. Below are some guidelines for solving problems with your romantic partner. These may extend to other types of relationships as well.

1. Define and specify

Phrase the issue in terms of behaviors that are currently occurring or not occurring, or in terms of what needs to be decided.

Break down large, complex problems into several smaller & more manageable problems. Deal with each of these one at a time.

Make certain that both you and your parter agree on the statement of the problem, and are willing to discuss it.

2. Importance

Explain why the issue is important to you, and what you perceive the issues involved to be.

Explain what your needs are and that you would like to see them taken into account in the solution. DO NOT offer speicific solutions at this time.

3. Brainstorm possible solutions

Time to get creative! Brainstorm every possible solution, no matter how extreme, that you can think of. *Write them down on a piece of paper.* Each solution should be concrete and specificy the behaviors involved.

4. Decide on a solution

You and your partner should independently rate each solution from 1-3 in terms of how much you favor it (1=favor very much, 2=neutral/willing to try but skeptical, 3=dislike). Cross off solutions that both of you gave a 3, since these won’t work for either of you. If there are solutions that both of you rated a “1″, focus on these. Otherwise focus on solutions that one of you rated a “1″ and the other rated a “2″. The best solutions will take both partners’ needs and preferences into account, and will be focused on the present and the futue. Do not focus on solutions that meet only your needs, even if your partner is willing to accept them. This could lead to resentment and/or withdrawal by your partner down the line. Do not dwell on the past – the solution should move your relationship forward. Do not accept solutions that you do not intend to follow through with, or one that will make you angry or resentful.

Once you have selected a solution, write it in clear, specific behavioral terms (if this has not already been done). Both you and your partner should verbally restate the solution in your own words to ensure that you each understand it in the same way.

5. Trial

Select a time frame during which to implement the solution on a trial basis. Both you and your partner should mark you calendars for the date when this trial period ends. Allow for several attempts at the new solution. Review the solution at the end of the trial period. If needed, revise the solution, taking into account what you learned during the trial.

All content from:

Baucom, D. H., Epstein, N., & LaTaillade, J. J. (2002). Cognitive-Behavioral Couple Therapy. In Gurman & Jacobson (eds.). Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy. The Guilford Press: New York.

How to improve your communication skills: Speaking October 5, 2007

Interested in improving your communication skills? Most people can stand to improve in this department. The great thing about improving these skills is that they’re applicable to any relationship- friends, romantic partners, parents, kids, coworkers. Have you ever gotten caught up in the heat of the moment, and lashed out at your friend, partner, parent, or child? Maybe things even escalated into a full-blown fight. Afterwards, everyone probably felt bad… You can avoid this trap by following the guidelines for effective communication below.

The example situation that will be referenced throughout the post: You and a close friend had made plans to have dinner together last Friday. She called you an hour before you had planned to meet and cancelled because she wanted to go to a concert with a new guy she’s seeing.

1. State your views subjectively – as your own feelings and thoughts, not as absolute truths. Use “I” statements to avoid your listener feeling as if they’re being verbally attacked (“I’m angry with you because we didn’t get to hang out last Friday like we had planned to do” vs. “It pisses me off that you flaked on me”).
2. Speak for yourself. State what you think and feel, NOT what you think your listener thinks and feels (“I’m feeling hurt that we didn’t get to spend time together, and angry that you called me an hour before we were supposed to meet” instead of “Clearly, I’m not a priority to you”).
3. Express your emotions and feelings, not just your ideas (“I’m feeling hurt that we didn’t get to hang out” instead of “We didn’t get to hang out”).
4. When talking about your listener, state your feelings about her/him, not just about a certain event or situation (“I’m angry with you” instead of “I’m angry that we didn’t get to hang out”).
5. When expressing negative emotions or concerns, also include positive feelings you have about the person or situation. (“I was really excited to see you because you’re one of my closest friends, and I got very disappointed when you called to cancel” instead of “I’m feeling angry, hurt, and disappointed”)
6. Make your statements as specific as possible. Identify a single situation or topic that’s bothering you and prompting you to share (Your friend flaked on you last Friday when you had dinner plans , instead of Your friend flakes on you all the time). Avoid making global attributions about your listener (“You called me an hour before we were supposed to meet last Friday” instead of “You always flake on me”). Also be specific in terms of your emotions and thoughts. (“I’m feeling angry and hurt” instead of “I’m feeling bad”).
7. Speak in “paragraphs”. Express a main idea with some elaboration and allow your listener to respond. Speaking for a long time without a break makes it difficult for your listener to listen.
8. Use appropriate tact and timing, so that your listener can hear what you’re saying without becoming defensive. Monitor the tone of your voice so that you can have a constructive problem-solving conversation instead of one in which you and your listener tear each other down. Select a time to bring up the topic in advance, when both you and your listener have a block of time and will be able to attend fully to the conversation. Right before work, bed, or other plans is not a good time.

All content from:

Baucom, D. H., Epstein, N., LaTaillade, J. J. (2002). Cognitive-Behavioral Couple Therapy. In Gurman & Jacobson (eds.). Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy. The Guilford Press: New York.